Have you ever get lost? Of course you have.

But have you ever felt lost?

I feel lost. In my own thoughts.
I feel suffocated sometimes.

Today i was supposed to extend my trip for a solo adventure to Tanjung Bira, 200km from Makassar. But then i feel so lost this morning. I was suffocated. My mind is suddenly playing me around.

I rebooked my ticket. I’m going back today. I canceled the solo adventure i might think i needed.

I remembered a session i had with my theraphist. He said that i have been running from reality for so long, that now i can’t escape anymore. It has captured me. Making me a prisoner. And i am stucked. Imprisonated by it.

I hate being alone. I hate being on my own. I am lonely as fuck and i hate it.

But there’s nothing i can do about it. For my fears is keep getting in the way. Fear of rejection, fear of being unloved, fear of meeting that will caused pain. My fears and me. The only relationship i can maintain. The only relationship i ever had.

Makassar airport, 03062014